Woke up this morning, what did I find? My goldfish, named Fred, with a thought in his mind, He’s swimmin’ in circles, blowin’ bubbles of cheer, But when I ask him questions, all I get is a leer! Oh, my pet goldfish doesn’t speak English, He wiggles and splashes, oh what a thingish! I ask him for secrets, he just gives me a flip, He’s a master of silence, in his watery trip! Oh, my pet goldfish doesn’t speak English, He wiggles and splashes, oh what a thingish! I ask him for secrets, he just gives me a flip, He’s a master of silence, in his watery trip! I tried to teach him with a tiny little book, “Fishy, fishy, talk to me!” I said with that look, But Fred just stared back, with his googly eyes, He’s the king of confusion, with no fishy replies! Oh, my pet goldfish doesn’t speak English, He wiggles and splashes, oh what a thingish! I ask him for secrets, he just gives me a flip, He’s a master of silence, in his watery trip! Oh, my pet goldfish doesn’t speak English, He wiggles and splashes, oh what a thingish! I ask him for secrets, he just gives me a flip, He’s a master of silence, in his watery trip! Maybe he’s got a different fishy dialect, Or he’s just ignoring my human intellect, With a flip and a flop, he swims in his bowl, While I’m here wondering, “What’s his noble goal?” I tried “hula hoop” and even “abracadabra,” But he just swam ‘round like an underwater grabber, His fins are a flurry, his belly’s round and bright, Still no words come out, he’s a fish in flight! Oh, my pet goldfish doesn’t speak English, He wiggles and splashes, oh what a thingish! I ask him for secrets, he just gives me a flip, He’s a master of silence, in his watery trip! Oh, my pet goldfish doesn’t speak English, He wiggles and splashes, oh what a thingish! I ask him for secrets, he just gives me a flip, He’s a master of silence, in his watery trip! So I’ll keep on jabbering, my fishy friend dear, While he swims in his bowl without a single care, With each splash and swirl, I’ll just have to face, That my pet goldfish lives in a silent fish place!